Stoning is soooo last week!

Two millennia from now, someone will dig up this book and think that the animals used to talk.

Just what Haiti needs!  Jesus provides for all.

Request denied!

Greetings Disciples!  It is I, Tha Lord your God.  I have come once again to impart wisdom upon thee.  Before I get started, I just have to ask:  Is anyone going to do anything about this God damned oil spill?  It took me six days to create that ocean (or 4.5 Billion years, depending on who you ask), and you bastards wreck it in a few hundred.

Today I would like to clear up a few things about morality.  Where dost morality originate?  The Bible?  The Koran?  Talmud? Tom Selleck?  Me? My wayward son?

The answer is clearly no.  For morality cannot come from books of men.  It shall not be found in the Gods that men make in their image.  It shall not come from the mustache of a mediocre 1980′s actor.   It can’t be from a raving wino magician with holes in his hands.  Whence then does the standard of right and wrong come?

Let us consider the possibilities, my children:

When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished.  If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property. (Exodus 21:20-21 NAB)

The Old testament?  Beloved by the Christian and the Jew (Maybe there were coupons in the back?)  The Old Testament is a cup that runneth over with morality such as this.  Yes, this “Holy” book written by men for men also has it’s brighter moments.  But how can thou possibly draw a life’s lesson from a book that gives instructions as to the level of beating a slave can receive without punishment to their “owner”?  Thousands of years ago, a God apparently imparted this wisdom unto his “chosen people”.   Today, the civilized world has abolished all forms of slavery and decries the type of violence depicted in this passage.  But how did lowly man arrive at this verdict without an instruction manual?

“You shall not force your slave-girls into prostitution in order that you make money, if they wish to preserve their chastity.” (Surah 24:33-)

Ah, the “Holy Koran”.  Beloved by devout Muslims and terrorists alike.  Apparently the Muslims of the era had a significant amount in common with the Jews and the Christians.  I do always love a passage that condemns prostitution and exalts slavery in the same sentence.  Islam would have you believe that the Koran is the source of morality.  Verily I say unto thee that thou might find more morality in a Las Vegas brothel.  Yes, the Koran won’t make thy crotch itchy.  At the very least, hookers have never crashed a plane into a building with 2000 people inside in the name of God.

Do these three religions seem to have anything in common to thee?  All of these beliefs are very similar.  It’s the slight differences that make them all want to kill each other.

So where then does morality come from?  Society has of it’s own accord corrected moral mistakes from a bygone era.  Slavery has nearly been purged from the planet.  Racism is slowly being pushed out.   Women have civil rights  (What do you mean make my own damn sandwich?).  Even red-headed kids are getting picked on less.  Society came to these moral standards not by reading a book or worshiping God.  God apparently didn’t have anything to say about these things.

Disciples, I say unto thee:  Be nice to each other.  If you need an instruction manual to help you, I can provide one.  I’ll be happy to leave out the slavery, debauchery, violence, and death.  If you can’t handle this simple concept, I’ll shove a lightning bolt right up your ass.

Peace be with with you, and also with you.