Jesus “died” for your sins? That’s preposterous. One has nothing to do with the other. As comedian Doug Stanhope once said, “Jesus hit himself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage”.
Let us think of other ways that unhelpful but well-meaning Jesus might have tried to lend us a hand. For example:”Jesus ate margarine for your cardiovascular health”
“Jesus stuck a fork in the outlet for your electric bill”
“Jesus contaminated himself with syphilis for your sex life”
“Jesus withered a fig tree for your garden”
“Jesus burned money for your taxes”
“Jesus smashed himself in the face with a rock for your vanity”
“Jesus punched a hooker in the tit, shit on his neighbor’s lawn, and lit himself on fire for your degree in particle physics”
All of these things make just as much sense.
Apparently taking naps by crucified liars was the norm in those days….
3 nails 2 shekels, 2 pieces of wood 5 shekels, 2 bitches passed out at your feet… Priceless!
Getting rid of a charlatan: Priceless! Wait…what…Oh, it’s 30 pieces of silver.
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